The Price Is Right

Sexucational Songs, Scientifically Sung by Claudia Wheeler

I wasn't sure what to make of this Beacon records release when I first saw it for sale on ebay. Two weeks later it showed up in my mailbox and I'm still scratching my head. The Price Is Right, subtitled "sexucational songs scientifically sung by Claudia Wheeler", is certainly no children's record (note the message "for grown-ups only" in the upper right hand corner of the jacket), but on the other hand it's not the kind of crass underground recording typical of this genre either. Accompanied by a lovely pianist, Claudia Wheeler sings about the raunchiest subjects in the most dignified and ladylike way possible. Even the liner notes talk about how "the charm and beauty of Claudia is reflected in the songs on this unique album". Yes, she's charming, and beautiful, but that song about Little Boy Blue is just a bit too blue for high society, I would think.

I still can't figure out what about this record is supposed to be "scientific" or "educational", but I did find out (again by reading the informative liner notes) that Claudia Wheeler is a native of Detroit who started out as a dancer in "the best known clubs and theatres", and that Beacon Records president Joe Barns is confident I will derive as much listening pleasure out of this album as he had making it. That fits my budget!

The Price Is Right
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I'll Give You a Screw (Real Audio) Here's what Claudia will do for you if you ain't got a nail.
I Never Saw a Crack Like That (Real Audio) Folks, it's not cement that Claudia is talking about here.
Little Boy Blue (Real Audio) This needs no further explanation...

Your Comments:

arthur c dobbs says:
This reminds me of the risque blues stuff 'I need a Bow Legged Woman', 'Sixty Minute Man'. Remember the hassle with Chuck Berry singing 'My Dingaling?'

Very funny. (08-30-2007)

JW says:
I agree that Billy Bush should be the replacement for Bob Barker as host for the Price is Right. Youth is the key to the shows continued success and I believe Billy Bush has what it takes. He reminds me of a young Bob Barker and presents himself well. To the producers of Price Is Right.....THIS IS YOUR GUY!!! (03-26-2007)

Jose Wombat says:
well look at this. seven years later and the price is still right. glad to see it. and if anyone is wondering what happened to jose wombat, he is with his friends, john rah and barbaralba at (02-04-2006)

Balloon Popper says:
Boy would I like to help her pop those big ol' balloons. (12-29-2005)

Prof. Dumbass says:
Just to get serious for a minute, Ms. Wheeler is following in a long line of famous blues singers from the '20s and '30s, such as Bessie Smith, Lucille Bogan, and many others, that recorded songs like, "Shave em' Dry," "Empty Bed Blues," "Wipe it Off," etc.

This was obviously a way to market raunchy camp music to WASPy gentlemen in search of secret titillation. (12-29-2005)

Mr. Gafooley says:
You guys need to get your heads out of the gutter! "Little Boy Blue" is clearly nothing more than Claudia teaching a little boy to play the trumpet! (12-05-2005)

Mr. Whipple says:
Man, they don't make music like this anymore. And Claudia Wheeler looks so squeeeezable. (08-21-2005)

Pope Innocent ( says:
Wait a minute... "Little Boy Blue" is about FELLATIO!

Very naughty!

You are all SINNERS who are going to HELL. (07-17-2005)

Adolf says:
This music helps my masturbation sessions become more successful and require less time and effort.

This is great masturbatin' music for you masturbatin' maniacs out there.

It's "bone-tastic"


Pardon Me While I Rock You says:
Give me three darts and I'll make this the best album cover you'll ever see. (03-23-2005)

Lizette says:
I guess this chick isn't related to John Valby, somewhat well-known for singing similar very naughty anthems expertly accompanied by his own virtuoso piano skills. But something about these songs makes me think he might have heard of her in his youth---- his spiritual mother, one could say. The Princess of Porn! The Baroness of Bawdy! The Duchess of Dirty Ditties! (02-06-2005)

Leonard Schneider says:
Do you think Mr.Barnes shtupped Miss Wheeler? (12-03-2004)

Flipper White says:
Yeah, Bob is one great pymp! I bet he could pymp out your old momma to all the nigs in the hood! (11-21-2004)

H. Turd Ferguson says:
Bob Barker is the man. I think he'll be able to keep hosting the show for another 5 years or so, then they'll find a younger pimp to take over the show. Snoop Dogg should be looking for work by then. (11-21-2004)

Mad Dr. Matt ( says:
Speaking of Bob Barker - you know he treats the models on the PIR as his own personal harem, don't you? He's been sued so many times by past PIR models that keeps his attorneys idling out in the driveway at all times. You could hear the collective groan gp up from CBS Television Center when they invented Viagra - because they all thought they were in the clear. No, that's NOT a microphone in his pants and YES - he is glad to see you! (11-16-2004)

KERRY & EDWARDS IN '04! says:
KERRY & EDWARDS IN '04! (10-28-2004)

Joli ( says:
This album makes the song "Telephone Man" by Meri Wilson look like nothing. Hey lolly lolly. Chickee bum chickee bum. I think Meri Wilson is the only person who makes these kinds of numbers stomach-able. Meri Wilson has a way of understating things & sounding really cute & innocent & like someone who actually has CLASS. Claudia Wheeler, on the other hand, is a completely different animal to say the least. She has NO SHAME I tell you... NOOOOO SHAME! Get back, get back, get back to where you once belonged. (10-14-2004)

Plinko (plinko@plinko.cum) says:
I wanna play Plinko! (08-19-2004)

Peanut Head says:
SFWinman...nobody care if she blowin' on doze condomes....SHE IS NEKKID BEHIND DEM BALLOONS..

I get a boner everytime I look at dat cover wid her on it...I gets out my lava lamp, smokes, liqour and some smooth JAMMY OSMINEDT cDS an den I stroke my....oops, whazat mommy? (I haveta go now...bye..) (07-03-2004)

SFWinMan ( says:
I AM cetain that those are CONDOMS she's blowin' up... therefore it must be educational and not the other... or is she popping them instead ? (07-03-2004)

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