The Price Is Right

Sexucational Songs, Scientifically Sung by Claudia Wheeler

I wasn't sure what to make of this Beacon records release when I first saw it for sale on ebay. Two weeks later it showed up in my mailbox and I'm still scratching my head. The Price Is Right, subtitled "sexucational songs scientifically sung by Claudia Wheeler", is certainly no children's record (note the message "for grown-ups only" in the upper right hand corner of the jacket), but on the other hand it's not the kind of crass underground recording typical of this genre either. Accompanied by a lovely pianist, Claudia Wheeler sings about the raunchiest subjects in the most dignified and ladylike way possible. Even the liner notes talk about how "the charm and beauty of Claudia is reflected in the songs on this unique album". Yes, she's charming, and beautiful, but that song about Little Boy Blue is just a bit too blue for high society, I would think.

I still can't figure out what about this record is supposed to be "scientific" or "educational", but I did find out (again by reading the informative liner notes) that Claudia Wheeler is a native of Detroit who started out as a dancer in "the best known clubs and theatres", and that Beacon Records president Joe Barns is confident I will derive as much listening pleasure out of this album as he had making it. That fits my budget!

The Price Is Right
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I'll Give You a Screw (Real Audio) Here's what Claudia will do for you if you ain't got a nail.
I Never Saw a Crack Like That (Real Audio) Folks, it's not cement that Claudia is talking about here.
Little Boy Blue (Real Audio) This needs no further explanation...

Your Comments:

Steve Van Kirk ( says:
Frank, This is a great site! (07-27-2002)

Theresa says:
Isn't that one of those full size blow up dolls you send away for in the back of magazines, the way the lips are pursed... (06-29-2002)

KCUF BOB says:
bob barker fucked me last night...hes a fuckin whore that rapes little children FUCCKKKK! (06-26-2002)

Skittycat says:
Are we supposed to believe that's actually Claudia Wheeler on the album cover? The voice and the image don't really match up. I think there's a WHOLE other story here we're not getting... (06-14-2002)

Chester says:
Wow! What brilliant song titles. (05-23-2002)

Dingus ( says:
This should be played over and over by some disgruntled "alternative music" d.j. who's locked himself into the booth and refuses to come out.Like that guy who played "take this job and shove it" until he got arrested.In fact,any of the songs on this site would be great for this purpose. (04-05-2002)

Sir Droopy Drawers says:
Hi Gang,
I am back after a 4 year vacation at some of of the country's best insane asylum. I missed you all. Anyway, does anyone want to see my crack? Nice to see a song dedicated to my favorite body part. MY CRACK! Now if you all excuse me, the asylum awaits for me....(again). (02-23-2002)

Bob ( says:
This chick would have a fun time at my place at New Years Eve. (02-14-2002)

TRAVIS (BIONICREDNEK1@AOL.COM) says: (11-20-2001)

How come I never met this chick? (11-06-2001)

CP says:
One additional note: it's amazing how contemporary (to 2001) the cover model looks - hair, makeup, etc. What goes around.... (10-16-2001)

CP says:
Historical context: Joe Davis (not Barns) released several dozen albums on Beacon and his own Joe Davis label in the late 40's and early-to-mid 50's. These were "party" records which broke up parties with ribald laughter in the highly-repressive McCarthy era, andwere sold only in "specialty" record shops or "under the counter" and more mainstream ones. See also Rusty Warren and Belle Barth for brassier versions. By the way, Davis also released some good r&b, including the very early hit group Lillian Leach & The Mellows ("Smoke From Your Cigarette" - now THERE's a now-politically incorrect title!). (10-16-2001)

Abbei says:
Need to get this for my gay friend. (10-14-2001)

Roman Pativ says:
I think I've just had my "sexual awakening"! (07-07-2001)

The Lone Beatnik ( says:
Why didn't this album go platinum? Dear sweet lord. Too many cheesy 1950's-ish innuendos. How the fuck could Little Boy Blue blow his own fucking horn? I wish they would have gotten Bob Barker to sing this (esp. the horn song). How much for this refridgerator? Who gives a flying fuck. The price is fucking wrong! Damn (06-14-2001)

Master (Lick my ass) says:
Fuck Bob Barker and his old ass I wish he would take his ass home. (05-27-2000)

Sammy Reed says:
That 1st song was all I could take. Honest-to-gosh, it sounds like a resource-class kiddie record on the subject! (05-08-2000)

Neuman ( says:
Dear God...Laughter...Laughter.....Can't.....Stop....Laughing... (05-03-2000)

SueBri says:
Is this an original carpenters album?..crack?..screw?. (03-12-2000)

ironburl ( says:
Dang, I thought I'd found a soundtrack to the TV game show "The Price is Right" I've always wanted to get a recording of all of that groovy moog music that they always have (I'm not sure if it has changed 1 whit from the 70's, but maybe it has, ever so incramentally). As for this album.... I'd feel screwed If I bought this one for music instead of the cover. (12-14-1999)

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