presents...

Beats!!!!

The Merseyside Sound! New From Britain!!

We laughed when we heard the Ruttles and Spinal Tap singing fake Beatle songs, but this is for real. Beatlemania was so big back in the 60's that it spun off dozens of cheap imitations like this one. With an album jacket screaming "Beats!!! The Merseyside Sound! The New Beat from Britain!" and four guys trying to look like the Beatles, the only thing this album is missing is actual Beatle music.

Were Beatle fans so stupid that they didn't realize they were being taken? Or were records like this aimed at their parents, who weren't paying enough attention to know the difference? I don't know, but one thing is for sure: the music on "Beats!!!" is just plain awful. Pick up a copy at a thrift store or eBay auction near you and listen for yourself. You'll be thankful that Lennon and McCartney had some actual talent to back up the phenomenon they started.

Beats!!!!
(click picture to magnify)
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Songs:

Tell Me I'm The One (Real Audio) Recycled beatlemania at its finest.
Your Kind of Love (Real Audio) A twisted beatle-esque song about monogomy, I think.

See Also: Beatle Barkers

Your Comments:

shitass says:
this record licks a bums ass, toss it in the fuckin east river, these jersey clowns need to shove thier heads up thier asses and hope they never pull it back out. total waste of 22 dollars from bleeker bobs he said it was one of the best garage bands of the time. what a bunch o fukkin ass fuckshit (03-10-2003)

monkeyboY says:
thanks so much for telling like it is with this record, i was gonna buy it on ebay and missed the auction. i figured it would be good since the cover wasnt all that bad. man im glad i didnt get it. thanks for the lowdown (03-10-2003)

"Psych-Out USA". (apemanradio@email.msn.com) says:
If you are interested in GREAT 60's GARAGE / PSYCH RADIO, check out Robbie Russell & Nurse Cheril on:
http://www.robbyrussellshow.com/FRMain.html (03-09-2003)

Dr. Robert says:
The Beates first american album was not Meet the ... but Introducing the... on the cheap VeeJay label. So for a time they were tossed off as fodder for the dust bin. (03-05-2003)

The Secrets. (thesecrets@hotmail.com) says:
http://www.cdbaby.com/secrets
By Lee Zimmerman
Music Columnist
*This review can still be accessed on "ENV" web site, in the music archives: March 8 - March 15 2002 Vol 21 No 57
http://www.entnews.com/newmusic.html
The Secrets
Time Will Come
(Secret Deals Production)

In truth, the Australian combo called The Secrets is really the work of only two musicians, Peter Rechter and Graham McCoy. However, while the music emanates from this limited source, the references it draws upon is nearly boundless. Even after a cursory listen to the duo?s new opus, Time Will Come, it becomes clear there?s quite a bit of history held within these grooves.

Why it should sound this way is really no mystery considering the fact that the Secrets? roots stretch back to a succession of earlier Aussie bands that hit their heyday back in the mid ?60s, an era these songs reference in every detail. In fact, listening to the riveting and rollicking ?Claudette Jones,? the brass-infused ?Think About the Boy? and, for that matter, any of the other tunes that occupy this extremely engaging ten-song set, is like boarding a time machine for a fab foray back to the ?60s. Unlike many in today?s current crop of power pop purists, Rechter and McCoy aren?t afraid of making music that?s primarily catchy and commercial, devoid of the angst and attitude that often creeps in just when it seems the mood?s most merry. Aside from the fact that it?s astounding how much music can come out of a core of only two musicians, as manifested in these infectious, articulate arrangements, The Secrets clearly live and breathe this style and sound. It?s so obviously grabbing and infectious, it?s impossible not to get caught up in their enthusiasm.

It would be a shame if The Secrets remain a secret to the world at large. After all, each and every song contains the kind of happy-go-lucky groove that once made Top 40 radio such a joyous and magical experience. Sadly, the music that fills the airwaves these days is no longer so sparkling and spontaneous. It would be nice to think The Secrets? time will come, as the album implies, and they?ll lead a charge back to a brighter, buoyant approach. Until it does, allow this album to suffice. http://www.secretdeals.com.au (02-28-2003)

Tol Puddle Martyrs (tolpuddlemartyrs@hotmail.com) says:

MODPSYCHPOWERHYTHM'N'POP !!! Every Thursday on the POPISM show!!!

        Tonight's reviews-section features the latest seveincher by The Stoneage Hearts, another piece of "little black vinyl" by The Tol-Puddle Martyrs and another great re-issue, by William Penn & His Palls, as well as the moderndaze material by the band's leader Mike Shapiro.

        Since the POPISM web site isn't available at the moment, all the POPISM reviews could be found at TORPEDO label's web site on  http://www.torpedopop.com

You'll also find the cyber space adresses of all the participants, so that you can get more info on the bands/artists/labels.
13.  THE TOL-PUDDLE MARTYRS - Time will come (7" EP; Misty Lane)
        crea.html.it/sito/NOWSOUND/2.htm
         Previously ?doin? time? as Peter & The Silhouettes, Peter Rechter and co. changed their name to The Tol-Puddle Martyrs, releasing two singles which must be among the defining moments of Aussie-rock. Here, you?ll find both singles squeezed onto this piece of vinyl, making it one of THE re-releases of the year. There could be no proper explanation for the exclusion of at least one of the ?67 debut single?s sides on the ?Nuggets II?set. ?Time will come?, with it?s rolling bass line and spooky organ screams, is an obvious, supercommercial transglobal hit that never was, backed with an equally great ?Social cell? that will surely bring Yardbirds flash-Becks into your mynds. By the time of their second single in 1968, the ?Martyrs had became far more melodic, sheding an evident Ray-of-light onto ?Love your life?, which also adds some of the Stones-at-their-most-?colourful?, as well as a bit surprising ?For your love? intro, and ?Nellie Bligh? is a song that you wouldn?t mind hearing on any given ?sunny afternoon?.
 Though the band comes from across the ocean, they provide a perfect overview of the Swinging London sound. Complete with the liner notes by Ugly Things? editor Mike Stax and Lance Monthly columnist Beverly Patterson, you get another usual high class packaging, comin? down the Misty Lane, making it look even better than the original ..... again, as usual. (02-28-2003)

amy (amy@blackpool.com) says:
were can i make my own beats. (02-24-2003)

Tol Puddle Martyrs. (tolpuddlemartyrs@hotmail.com) says:
Misty Lane Records have just released the Tol Puddle Martyrs / Oz 60's Garage /Psych E.P.
http://crea.html.it/sito/NOWSOUND/1.htm

Check out The Tol Puddle Martyrs site:
http://www.secretdeals.com.au/Tol-PuddleCDSite/Puddle.htm (01-31-2003)

Dick Tater says:
"Your kind of love" Starts out with a few opening chord ripoffs from "twist and shout", and turns into an uninspired Neil Borgart/Don Kirshner bubblegum depressed semi-Yardbirds-attempt type of artistic suicide swill, and who knew this would inspire the term, "Poetic Injustice" to be a standard of the music indutry for the years to come. Besides, I've heard better garage bands, in the 60's, as a kid. Long live the Ruttles and Spinal Tap!!! (12-29-2002)

Robert says:
Relive Spinal Tap with this! (12-07-2002)

Billy says:
I remember my mom buying me "The Chipmunks sing the Beatles Hits" album when I was a little kid. At least that LP sounded a better than a bunch of New York session musicans trying to sound merseybeat. (11-27-2002)

The Tol Puddle Martyrs (http://www.secretdeals.com.au/Tol-PuddleCDSite/Puddle.htm) says:
Ugly Things Mag/ October 2002.
In 1834 six farm workers from Tolpuddle, Dorset were found guilty on
trumped-up charges related to their membership in a clandestine trade union.
The judge sentenced them to seven years transportation to Australia, a harsh
punishment usually reserved for only the worst, hardened criminals. The case
was symbolic of the new struggle of the British working classes for better
wages and conditions, and it soon inspired a groundswell of public sympathy.
The six men became popular heroes, dubbed "The Tolpuddle Martyrs."

One hundred and thirty-two years later, some Australian teenagers decided,
"Hey, what a cool name for a band!" And so a new (and hyphenated) Tol-Puddle
Martyrs came into being. Previously known as Peter & the Silhouettes they'd
already released two songs on a local Victoria compilation LP, The Scene
(recently reissued on CD, it was reviewed in Ugly Things #19). With its
urgent fuzz guitar riff and stompin' stop-start arrangement, Claudette Jones
is an instant grabber (it was comped on It's A Kave In LP and CD), while the
slower, moodier Natural Man is also worth a spin.

Both are on this CD, along with the four great tracks they went on to release
in 1967 and 68 under their new, improved and historically conscious name.
Their first single, Time Will Come, is a foreboding slab of chug swathed in
eerie organ lines and dramatic fuzz guitar flourishes, while its flipside,
Social Cell, has a similar hardboiled throbbing quality that also connects
well.

By the time the second Tol-Puddle single rolled around they'd obviously been
feasting on the Kinks, especially Face to Face and Something Else, and their
mood had brightened considerably. Love Your Life is a pleasant Kinky pop
tune, but its completely surpassed by its partner. Nellie Bligh is perhaps
the best song Ray Davies never wrote - and maybe the best Ray Davies vocal he
never sang to boot; only the Leopards ever came this close to the raw,
swaggering delivery of the originals.

Eight songs may seem short for a CD, but there's lots more on this enhanced
disc, including a deadly cool vintage promo of Time Will Come and a selection
of photos from Peter's 60's scrapbook.

Mike Stax / Editor. (11-09-2002)

Eddie Starr (Eddieclass74@hotmail.com) says:
Wow, I can't believe I actually found "The Liverpool Beats". This is hillarious.. You see the very next day after I saw the Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show I BEGGED my mom to buy me a Beatles record and this is what she brought home. I remember actually thinking it was the Beatles and use to play "I Saw Her Standing There" and "I Want to Hold Your Hand" over and over wearing my Beatle wig while strumming a tennis racket and looking at my own reflection in a broken TV set in the basement. I was only 8 years old so I didn't even realize how retarded this group sounded until my friend Kenny Smith brought his actaul 45 of The Beatles "I Want to Hold Your Hand" single over to the house.
I am now 46 years old and my entire life have had this wierd song in my head from that album which started with a guy singing the words "Boo wee dee oop" and then he'd go "Ooh wee ooh woo". The he'd sing "Seems to me, nothing ever goes right". So for the hell of it I go to google and look up "The Liverpool Beats" and God Damn there they are. This is hillarious! (10-24-2002)

Stinky McDougan says:
I'd kind of like to hear it. (10-22-2002)

bernie carville (vagrant94@aol.com) says:
Hell,yeah,yeah,yeah! I remember this one! The guy who found a mono copy was lucky. If you bought a cheezy silvertone stereo from Sears you got some freebee stereo spectrum {rectum?} lp's thrown in the deal! This was usually one of 'em. Amazing electronically reprocessed big beatoff dogdirt! My memory may be wrong but besides the alltime WORST covers of "I wanna hold your hand" & " I saw her standing there" you also got merseymuck version of that good old negro spiritual "Joshua fought de battle of Jericho" plus a ooh wee ooh ooh dowop by way of liverpool ballad called "Seems to me". These LP's were designed to make you think they were tht real deal! Lots of parents bought 'em for the kids cause they were cheaper than real Beatle lp's& they couldn't tell the difference themselves after blowing their cash at the bar! Here ya go kids! Some of that longhaired limey shit! This stuff was probably recorded in North New Jersey! Ah what the hell! This garbage is still better than the Vines! (09-17-2002)

Tom Tuerff (ttuerff@aol.com) says:
My hat is off to whoever sits and listens to this stuff. Every time I come here I find something even worse than what I heard before. Today, that "worse" thing is "Beats."

I HOPE these guys were kidding. They sound like they're kidding but they're apparently unable to get the joke across.

Ouch! (09-05-2002)

Mr. Tooth Decay says:
These guys need an enema. (08-21-2002)

Peter Rechter (the_secrets@hotmail.com) says:
The Beats prove how spoilt we all were with the sounds of The Beatles.
Check out THE SECRETS web site: http://www.secretdeals.com.au

This LINK displays The Secrets as the FEATURE ARTISTS of the week on THE ORCHARD in NEW YORK:
http://www.secretdeals.com.au/Orchard.html


The Secrets MP3's:
http://www.secretdeals.com.au/MP3s.html

THE SECRETS on:
Barnes and Noble Music:
http://music.barnesandnoble.com/search/product.asp?userid=2ALWCNWNV3&ean=803680185926

A couple of REVIEWS from America:
Reviews from America:
*

The Secrets
Time Will Come
Secret Deals
Too many power pop bands concentrate on their craft and worry about its form and trappings so much that they lose sight of their purpose - kick ass music. For some reason, Australian bands rarely make that mistake. The Secrets sure don't. Time Will Come opens with one of the best 1-2 punches in a long, long time. "Claudette Jones" is a blistering garage-tinged rocker and "Good Times/Bad Times" sounds like an Everly Brothers/Buddy Holly collaboration, complete with perfectly corny handclaps. "Think About The Boy" is an irresistible bubblegum/ska hybrid. These boys - actually just a pair, but sounding like a full fledged band - have got hooks up the ying yang and manage to take pop elements from rock's prehistory right up through the 80's synth band heyday and mate them to classic pop songs that sound both familiar and brand new. They even manage to make the sitar-powered pysch of the title track work. There are a handful of archival hidden bonus tracks. An early version of "Claudette Jones" from 1966 demonstrates the honesty of its garage roots. Another pair of tracks is also present in early versions, dating from 1967 and the early 80s.
http://www.secretdeals.com.au
John F. Butland
http://www.toneandgroove.com/core/core.html


Below is a review of ?The Secrets? CD, ?Time Will Come? that appeared in the April 2002 Eric Sorensen?s column on http://www.fufkin.com/sorensen_04_02.htm

Time Will Come by the Australian band, The Secrets.  The song (and video)
contents of this interactive disc cover three and a half decades of pop
music (psych-pop, baroque pop, quirky pop, Mersey-influenced pop), as penned
and performed by the talented Peter Rechter (and changing bandmates).  This
is very cool stuff, and you can learn more about the artist and the music by
visiting www.secretdeals.com.au.  Long may you run, Sir Peter!
Please write back.
Peter. (08-18-2002)

Bobby Allison says:
i actually like these songs. theres a band called The Beats on the popular cartoon Doug. (08-10-2002)

Daredevil6 (daredevil6@excite.com) says:
All that was required was a sniper. Just one. But here we are instead. Imagine an entire generation spared the agony. Christ Almighty. (08-09-2002)





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